Finding My Way Through The Pain~Kerry

There’s physical pain that cannot be ignored: a bad headache, stubbed toe, skinned knee.  We feel it.  We deal with it as best as we can; a band-aid, some peroxide perhaps, maybe some Ibuprofen .  But what of the hidden pain deep within, unseen by bump or bruise?  What of the pain that does not bleed red, but hurts black on the inside?  The pain so wrenching, you wonder how you will go on?  How do you feel this type of pain, yet live on?  Mother still to your children.   Singer on the Sunday worship team.  Counselor to others hurting.  Caretaker of 2 chronically ill daughters.   Alone, but not.   This is where my life’s journey has taken me for a while.  I won’t stay here forever.  I refuse to.

Stuffing the pain down works for only so long.  Feeling it.  Processing it.  Painful, but life giving.  But how do you feel the pain, yet not become the pain.  How do you stop the pain from engulfing you entirely?   I sat through my first wedding, the new me, no hand to grasp.  The  once white band on his left hand now unringed and tanned.   I saw the concern in my daughters’ eyes.  Knew they were wondering how this would be for me.  But that wedding was healing in a way I didn’t plan.  You see, to survive the pain, feel the pain and someday move through the pain, we need exactly what the newlyweds need…God.

It all focused on their relationship with their Creator.  Ours was as well,  once upon a time.  No matter the beauty of the day, without God it becomes the darkest of nights.  I felt relief as they pledged a covenant before the One who made it all.  He, as three, is the only way to make it work.  When He is no longer the center, there is an unwinding of the covenant, a breaking of the cherished bond.  Two that were once one become strangers.   My beloved, now a stranger.

And the song…it has become a part of my healing…my encouragement…words of hope gently easing the pain.  He does make something BEAUTIFUL out of us.  Adorned in beauty, she walked down the aisle becoming a new beautiful.  Heart being squeezed, I felt Him whisper, “this is for you too.”   Through the pain, He helps me find my way.  Is my life beautiful right now…only through the grace of the Giver.  Do I believe He will make something beautiful rise from these ashes?  I do!  My life is one of chaos, but I find my strength in Him.  Of all that I have lost, in Him will I be found.

You make beautiful things

All this pain…

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us (Gungor)

FREE Printable. She Holds Onto Hope For He is Forever Faithful. from These Happy Times.

~Holding Onto Hope~

Kerry

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